Commemorating the 9th Anniversary
Just one step away from a decade. This year feels much better than the last; one reason is that she appeared in person: her appearance sort of healed me, from the sorrowful memories of so many years.
Truly wonderful.
Another reason is, about four days ago, I found a possible ultimate solution to cure this sense of loneliness: I once again experienced utter happiness, a happiness so intense, no less than the happiness experienced on this day nine years ago. As for exactly how to do it, I will never forget anyway, so I won’t write it here. Although I had thought about it, thinking back carefully, perhaps I should keep it a secret from anyone in reality forever.
What I’m currently anxious about is the Regionals. Although the curve fitted from the scatter plot has a best R^2 of only 0.682, for this thing, one might say the worse the optimal scenario, the better…
Don’t know what to write really, because the emotions are far less intense than last year.
By the way, regarding those few hours of meeting her after a long separation a month ago, I wrote a short essay of over ten thousand words. When I read it a few days ago, I felt a sense of suffocation. I feel it’s better not to publish it, even though I had even done anonymization processing and conceived several versions of the title.
But seriously speaking, these past four days, she has not been that important and special anymore; she has returned to a position slightly higher than normal.
Damn, thinking about those things now, my mood is getting a bit low again. However, over this past year, I guess I can still be considered lucky, because of some people. Although, I cannot eliminate the impact of past sorrows on my past self.
“Alas! The grass and trees are void of feeling, yet they have their time to drift and fall. Man is a living creature, the very soul of all things; a hundred sorrows move his heart, ten thousand tasks weary his form; whatever stirs within must surely shake his essence. How much more so when he ponders that which his strength cannot attain, and grieves over that which his wisdom cannot resolve! It is but fitting that his ruddy complexion should turn to withered wood, and his raven locks to speckled grey. Why then, being of substance neither metal nor stone, would he seek to vie for glory with the grass and trees? Reflect upon who it is that ravages him, and why bear resentment against the sound of autumn!”
2025/9/25 21:10:06