Yian's World

I Lived a Happy Life Are mental hospitals akin to arresting patients in advance to prevent crime? Even if it is so-called voluntary, how can a person have the freedom to renounce freedom? How can people pay the price for things they have never done? For dangerous mental patients, perhaps they can only be judged after they have an episode? A headache-inducing problem. At my father’s funeral, I felt not the slightest bit of depression or sorrow for his death; the only lasting impression remains...

The Colors of Youth Like the sky clearing after rain, those colorful ribbons far above, the newborn sunlight radiates with color. At the starting point of life that is youth, who dyes us in different colors? We ourselves. Youth is crimson, like the morning sun emerging from a sky where the black chaos has just been torn apart, wanton passion, scattering infinite golden light upon the vast world. We still possess vivid dreams, we still have poetry and distant places, and we still have the arro...

The conclusion faintly arrived at is that my thoughts are too complex. I once viewed all my actions as a negation of others, to the extent that existence itself was deemed a sin. It was in this state of mind that Yozo prayed and departed from Yoshiko. However, at school, what right did I have to leave? For I viewed leaving school as a sin as well—a negation of others. — An inner monologue: “You are all so kind, treating me so truly well. But why am I still like this? It can only be my own res...

He who has hitherto only negated himself dreads the affirmation of his own Will by another. For, dimly perceiving through the principium individuationis, he realizes that this affirmation of himself is so intense. Even though this affirmation is not made by himself, it nonetheless increases the absolute value of the affirmation of the Will; via the principium individuationis, this is also a negation of the other, and simultaneously his own negation of the other. This is a negation of the othe...

The setting sun generously scattered golden light upon all living consciousness in the world. He stood alone at the edge of the cliff; the sea breeze lifted the hem of his clothes, the azure silk lingering like waves. He slowly raised his left hand before him, unclenched his five fingers, and a single tear—a tear-like crystal—countless tiny edges and facets clustered together, flickering with the glow floating far away on the sea level, melting that scorching yet icy flame into an icy yet sco...

YS I have a premonition that I will die soon. This is obviously not the first time I’ve had such a premonition; it is now Wednesday, December 27, 2023, at 22:10. But no one knows exactly when death will arrive. No matter what cries and shouts, before the final result is revealed, they are all superb acting. They are not taken seriously by anyone. I often forget to take my medicine. Just yesterday, I took two days’ worth of dosage in one day. I must say, sudden cessation is uncomfortable, and ...